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03-20-2010 4:47 PM -- By: Kayty, From:
Hey, I can't stop remembering when we went to St.K together for Confirmation and we did a play...we were the sheep and we had a fun night. I feel really bad that, that was the last time I saw you. You have no idea how much people miss you. I pray for your family everyday McKayla.
P.s Tell my friend Teddy I said hi.
03-19-2010 11:06 PM -- By: , From:
Hi KK, today was the day you left us. We will never stop coming to talk to you! Always in our hearts! Love Randy
03-19-2010 11:40 AM -- By: Pat Murphy, From:
Remembering you ... wishing you were still here.. but grateful that you were here with us for the time that we had you. You continue to inspire so many with all that you were in your short time on this earth. I am comforted that you are watching over us all and continuing to inspire us to live each day to do good.
03-18-2010 8:04 PM -- By: laura o'leary, From:
Dear KK and Moe,
I'm writing this note to both of you because I don't think of you, Moe, without thinking of KK. I also do not think of you, KK, without thinking of your mom. The obvious adoration that you have for each other is so apparent in every detail of this memorial site. When I think of you I can feel the love that you have for each other. It reminds me that my love for my sons should be just as apparent to them each day. Example is a wonderful gift that you have given me.
Moe, I know that tomorrow will be such a difficult day for you and your family. I pray that you find comfort from above where KK lives on.
03-18-2010 12:45 PM -- By: , From:
We owe it to ourselves to show up for the good stuff. And we also owe it to our friends to reach out to them when we need help getting through the hard stuff. It's all part of life, and it's all best shared with the people who care about you. Yesterday really was the good stuff. I can't wait to see what that looks like on film! ~Katrina Kenison~
03-18-2010 12:44 PM -- By: , From:
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer
03-17-2010 11:18 PM -- By: Randy, From: Calif
Hi KK the day you left us is almost here. Your family misses you a lot. Ill be thinking about you a lot the next couple of days! love Randy
03-04-2010 9:22 PM -- By: Randy, From: Bakersfield, California
Hi McKayla, we think about you a lot. Pray for us so we can be where you are some day! Lots of days have gone by since you last were with mom and dad and sis. I told your mom that you never left her side. Your mom is a good lady!! Talk to you very soon. LOVE Randy
03-04-2010 6:48 PM -- By: tesia, From: here
you were in my dreams last night. youre so beautiful little angel girl <3
02-13-2010 3:28 AM -- By: Randy Ariey, From: Bakersfield Calif
Hi KK, how are you? Come to me in a dream so I can tell your mom something. Pray for us down here so we can be safe like you some day. Please pray for the whole earth. Thanks for reading this. By for now. Ill be back soon. Love Randy
02-12-2010 11:13 AM -- By: LJ Bisso III, From: Westford, MA.
this site brought tears to my eyes...i'll be attending the 8th annual mont vernon 5k; wouldn't miss for the world!
02-10-2010 5:41 PM -- By: , From:
It is snowing beautiful girl. And I am thinking of you. Missing you with every beat of my heart. I spent an hour with you today, remembering you, feeling you with me, hearing your laughter, seeing your smile, hearing you play the piano, and remembering so many happy times we've shared. I know that I will see you again in my dreams. And someday I will feel the strength of your incredible hugs, the ones you and I used to share. All my love. Auntie Coe xo
01-30-2010 10:36 AM -- By: Donna Patten, From: Mont Vernon, NH
Remembering Angel KK and forever keeping this angel in our hearts!! I see you skipping through wild flowers in heaven and smiling down on all who miss you here!
01-22-2010 4:41 PM -- By: , From:
Hi KK, its Friday and its raining but the rain is good for our town. Wha are you doing right now? Mom has a hard time with the holidays! But as you know I help her get through them! She got after Mands a little on facebook. Amanda seems really nice! Talk to you later. Come to your mom in a dream please! love you! Randy
01-11-2010 1:40 PM -- By: , From:
by Michael Crelinsten
The gap between those who have lost children and those who have not is profoundly difficult to bridge. No one, whose children are well and intact can be expected to understand what parents who have lost children have absorbed, what they bear. Our daughter now comes to us through every blade of grass, every crack in the sidewalk, every bowl of breakfast cereal, every kid on a scooter. We seek contact with her atoms-her hairbrush, her toothbrush, her clothing. We reach for what was integrally woven into the fabric of our lives, now torn and shredded. What we had wanted, when she so suddenly took ill, was for her to be treated. We wanted her to be annoyed that her head had been shaved for surgery. We would have shaved ours an then watched her smile as we recovered together, whatever the nature of that recovery. "Recover" is no longer a part of our vocabulary. Now we simply walk through the noise and debris of our personal ground zero.
A black hole has been blown through our souls and indeed, it often does not allow the light to escape. It is a difficult place. For us to enter there is to be cut deeply, and torn anew, each time we go there, by the jagged edges of our loss. Yet we return again and again, for that is where she now resides.
This will be so for years to come and it will change us, profoundly. At some point in the distant future, the edges of that hole will have tempered and softened but the empty space will remain-a life sentence. It is not unlike a dog who, suddenly hit by a car, survives. The impact is devastating and leaves the animal in shock, confusion, and despair. In time the animal recovers adequately to spend the remainder of its life on three legs. It is not that he is unable, eventually, to function or even to laugh and play. The reality, however, is that on three legs from here on, every step he takes, every action, virtually every breath reminds him of what he has lost. We are that animal.
Our community of friends will change through this. There is no avoiding it. We grieve for our daughter, in part, through talking about her and our feelings for having lost her. Some go there with us, others cannot and, through their denial add a further measure, however unwittingly, to an already heavy burden. This was not a sprained ankle or major surgery that we suffered. Assuming that we may be feeling "better" six months later is simply "to not get it." The excruciating and isolating reality that bereaved parents feel is hermetically sealed from the nature of any other human experience. Thus it is a trap-those whose compassion and insight we most need are those for whom we abhor the experience that would allow them that sensitivity and capacity. And, yet, somehow, there are those, each in their own fashion, who have found a way to reach us and stay, to our immeasurable comfort. They have understood, again each in their own way, that Alexis remains our daughter through our memory of her. Her memory is sustained through speaking about her and our feelings about her death. Deny this and you deny her life. Deny her life and you have no place in ours. That's the equation. How different people have responded to our loss, or not, transcends a range of attitudes and personal histories. It is teaching us much about human capacity and experience, albeit at a searing price. Parents' memories of a lost child sustain that life. It should be the other way around.
We recognize that we have removed to an emotional place where it is often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful and the day to day carries a silent, screaming anguish that accompanies us, sometimes from moment to moment. Were we to give it its own voice we fear we would become truly unreachable, and so we remain "strong" for a host of reasons even as the strength saps our energy and drains our will. Were we to act out our true feelings we would be impossible to be with. We resent having to act normal, yet we dare not do otherwise. People who understand this dynamic are our gold standard. Working our way through this over the years will change us as does every experience-and extreme experience changes one extremely. We know we will have recovered when, as we have read, it is no longer so painful to be normal. We do not know who we will be at that point or who will still be with us.
There will come a time, quite some number of years down the road, when the balance between the desperate awareness of what we have lost when our daughter died will be somewhat balanced by the warm and joyful memories of what we had with her when she lived. I neither long for nor cringe from that time. It will simply come. We will recognize it-though now it is beyond us.
So, yes, our beloved daughter is gone-a light in our lives gone out leaving blackness for us, left behind, to stumble through. And, while we understand and deeply feel the meaning of our phrase "Now we are it by her only from within," we hope, desperately, that she is wherever the light is. We are trying to understand what this means, as we seek our own way, for the remainder of our lives, to some kind of light. We love our son and are trying to breathe.
We have read that the gap is so difficult that, often, bereaved parents must attempt to reach out to friends and relatives or risk losing them. This is our attempt. For those untarnished by such events, who wish to know in some way what they, thankfully, do not know, read this. It may provide a window that is helpful for both sides of the gap.
01-09-2010 11:18 AM -- By: carol, From:
I know that there are no words to express the depth of your journey and to reflect how beautiful and touching this memeorial is. Although i didn' t know McKayla, this site gives a sense of her, and of all whose lives she touched...including those like me, who visit this site. I am one who attended H3O women's ministry last week. I may not have met you, Mom, but i hope to the next time H3O women's ministry meets in February. Just to give you a hug...one mom to another.
01-01-2010 12:41 AM -- By: , From:
HAPPY NEW YEAR BABY GIRL .. ONE YEAR CLOSER TO YOU ... I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU EVERY TIME I BREATH! XOXOXO
12-31-2009 3:05 PM -- By: , From:
KK ... another New Year without you ... although that is reality - the other reality is that it is one New Year closer to being with you ...
Loving you forever .. with ever breath I take!
12-20-2009 11:51 PM -- By: Judy, From: Gillette, WY
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful McKayla. This site is such a wonderful tribute and clearly expresses how very much McKayla is loved. God Bless
Happy Birthday angel McKayla
12-20-2009 10:58 AM -- By: denise king, From: Cumberland R.I.
happy birthday in heaven kayla.just wanted to stop by & say i'm so sorry for ur loss of ur beautiful kayla .i know ur pain oh so well .i lost my beautiful son billy in nov 08 we will see our children again some day hang in there billys mom forever
12-20-2009 10:57 AM -- By: Randy, From: Calif
Happy Birthday McKayla! We all love you very much! Randy and Family
12-20-2009 8:55 AM -- By: Ellen, From: RonniesMom
Happy Birthday in Heaven beautiful Angel! Shine down on your family today, they miss you so much!
12-20-2009 8:46 AM -- By: Laura O'Leary, From:
I know that today will be an especially difficult day for your mom, dad, and sister, since in years on the path here you would be 16 today. Although your mom has all the faith that you are with our savior, it breaks her heart that you are not here physically, with her, to share this day. I wanted to take this day to tell you about a wonderful gift that your mom was involved in giving to some other children. My husband's unit was given a beautiful holiday party by your mom's employer, and your mom was instrumental in making that party happen. There are many children of soldiers who are missing their dad's through this holiday. There are wives and parents of those soldiers who's worry is overwhelming. That holiday party enabled the children, and family members, to take a few moments break from all of that stress and to just be able to enjoy! To feel JOY! I personally got so much enjoyment from watching the young children run and dance up to Santa!
You have a very strong, faithful, unselfish mom KK!
A moment of relief...of peace....of joy in remembering all the moments of your life....is what I pray for your family today. Laura
12-11-2009 8:17 PM -- By: Laura , From:
I just started to write "you don't know me, but your mom is a new friend of mine" when it suddenly occured to me that perhaps you do know me! Your mom's heart is so kind, and although she misses you so very much, she has opened her heart to me at a time when I really need someone who is capable of doing that. My husband is in Iraq. He is a medical evacuation pilot. I worry about him all the time. I wonder if he will come home. I miss him. People all around me keep moving, but I'm just spinning in place. Because I'm vulnerable right now, and my heart is aching too from missing someone, I feel that your mom and I could really help each other.
I pray for her, and for your dad and sister, to find peace. Moments of relief.
Please help me, McKayla, to be a good friend to your mom.
Merry Christmas... He must be awsome!
12-06-2009 10:56 PM -- By: Randy , From: California
Hi KK, justed wanted to say hi. We have not forgot about you. Your mom is always taking care of your resting spot. Hope to see you some day. Love you. Randy
11-29-2009 8:36 AM -- By: , From:
A Christmas Prayer For Those Who May Be Grieving
We celebrate this time of year
because our Lord was born;
But let us not forget
That there are others who may mourn.
In times of sorrow, times of strife,
it's sometimes hard to smile,
So, Holy Spirit, please come in
and tarry for awhile.
Touch those who may be suffering;
Touch every wounded heart,
Touch all those burdened souls
When they feel distant, set apart.
Remove the pain, and fill their hearts
with happiness and mirth,
And let them all rejoice now
in The Savior's holy birth.
11-28-2009 12:37 AM -- By: Sonja, From: Australia
My heart is heavy just reading some of what is written here.... I don't write things often, as i don't know what to write, but today i just had to write something...
Each time i go to Church, i have and i will always light a candle for your beautiful McKayla.
I am empty and numb inside when i think of what you are going through and i have no words of wisdom that could ever, ever help you.
Just know that you have my love and heartfelt prayers always.
11-18-2009 9:50 PM -- By: , From:
I am here today - not sure I can be here for another Holiday Season without you ... I am missing you so desperately ....
10-18-2009 12:05 AM -- By: Randy, From: Bakersfield Calif
Hi KK, please ask God to console your mom, dad and sister. Mom especially is sad. I hope you are having fun. We will never forget you! Ariey Family
10-09-2009 2:53 PM -- By: Mary, Dave's Mom, From:
KK, I hope your celebration tonight is wonderful and you can send all those many people in attendance a sign and/or love. Your mom misses you awfully.
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